Do You Have A Pebble in Your Shoe?

Maybe it’s an unhealthy habit, a difficult conversation you're avoiding, or a secret you’re keeping. A nagging issue making life harder. Ignoring it won’t make it go away—it only makes it worse.

As my Epic clients and I stand at the trailhead, backpacks on, ready to embark on our adventure, I offer the first instruction:

“If you get a pebble in your shoe—or if something just doesn’t feel right—please speak up so we can tend to it.”

Most of us don’t speak up when we have a pebble in our shoe—or when something is off. We don’t want to call attention to ourselves or slow others down. We tell ourselves it’s no big deal, that it will resolve itself. But when we do this, we do so at our peril—because the pebble seldom goes away, and rarely, if ever, resolves itself.

Ignore it, and soon the pebble leads to a hotspot, and eventually the hot spot turns into a blister. Now, every step feels like we’re walking on broken glass. The pain distracts us from the journey, limiting our ability to engage with others and contribute to the expedition.

To be an effective and impactful leader, we must first be a good self-leader. If we don’t take care of ourselves, how can we expect to effectively lead others?

We all have a pebble in our shoe from time to time. And here’s the thing: it’s never just our pebble. The pain it causes shapes the way we show up, the depth of our relationships, and our ability to lead. (As the airline safety directive reminds us: Secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting others.)

I’ve had many pebbles in my shoe over the years. One, left unchecked for two years, led to personal shame that limited my participation in key relationships. Tending to it required some of the most difficult inner work I’ve ever done—but once to the other side, it led to a deepening of those relationships.

When we tend to the pebble, everything starts to improve. We may even be transformed by the experience.

Do you have a pebble in your shoe? If so, what steps can you take to tend to it?

I encourage you: Tend to the pebble. Because in my experience, it’s not the tall mountains ahead, or our big audacious goals, that will do us in, but the pebble in our shoe.

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(This story is from my upcoming book, Wayfinder: A Field Guide To Living Your Epic Life. The book is long overdue. As a writer, I’ve been toiling with it for years. But I had to become the person I am now to write the book I wanted to write. And well, that took a while. About 15 years, to be exact. I hope you’ll consider reading it when it comes out. But mostly, thank you just for being here.)